Reality Check (And A Challenge)

Happy New Year, rebels.

I've gotta admit something to you all. I don't think I've been terribly honest the few months I've worked on this blog.

I didn't lie in any of my posts. Intentionally, at least. I like to believe all the information I share is accurate or otherwise accounted for (hence the constant "don't take my word for this, but..." disclaimers).

I've been lying to myself, if anything.

THE REALITY CHECK

I intended The Rebel Palate's schedule to work for people with "real jobs". Initially I wanted one post every Monday and Thursday.

Monday was to give people an extra hit of dopamine to get through the week, and Thursday was to keep them sane while waiting for Friday. 

I always post at 1:37 pm, because I wanted it to be sometime in the middle of the day, and 1:37 in 24-hour time is 13:37. Add that to the "Ways I Pretend I'm Older Than I Actually Am" list.

I think I was only semi-consistent during The Month of The Weird, and that was exhausting. 

The problem is, I never realized it was exhausting.

As you can see by the timestamps on many of my posts, I haven't stuck to that initial schedule much. In fact, that's why I changed "Posting Mondays and Thursdays for your sanity" to "Posting Mondays for your sanity".

I knew I was asking too much of myself, and that's why I couldn't stay consistent.

When I say "I didn't realize it was exhausting", I mean "that was more effort than it was worth, I don't want to do it again and I don't know why I did it before".

Maybe it sounds like I'm exaggerating. All I can say is most of the pressure came from the need to come up with content. I semi-regret the "maple flavor" post because it came from a "quantity over quality" mindset. 

For that one I thought I'd find one solid answer and didn't, but I went through with the post because I "needed it". Sure it's not a horrendous post, but it felt so worthless.

I also have a problem where I go overboard with a hobby and burn out days later. Weeks if I'm lucky. 

You'll notice that pattern in the surge of posts in October and complete silence in November.

After the exactly two December posts, filler posts at that, I got COVID. I didn't want anyone to worry, and I didn't want to whine about what amounted to a bad cold in my case. That's why I didn't mention it until now.

After I recovered, I wanted to get right back up, so I started banging my head against yet another filler post. There was nothing I could do to make it interesting. I felt like I was chewing a big wad of cartilage.

Then there were the Christmas parties, and then I just lost track of time.

I feel pretty bad because I said I would "actually post" in December. Not posting made me feel like I was just being lazy.

Alright, so why do I care about consistency?

Not only is consistency good for traffic, but I don't want to run "one of those" blogs that makes one post every random interval of months. I also wanted to be consistent while putting out a lot of content, hence the original eight-posts-a-month plan.

It's clear now that my plans were unrealistic. I am only one person, and I have a life outside of this blog. It's just that I've heard the old "life happens" line too many times and it feels like an excuse. I don't want to be like "that" webcomic artist, "that" YouTuber or "that" Flipnote animator.

That said, I wanna go easier on myself. Instead of eight posts a month, or four, I'm going to start aiming for two. My average output will likely be the same this year as 2021 if I do that anyway.

This reminds me of something I came up with while introspecting in my diary.

I realized if I want to do anything consistently with no burnout, even if I "don't feel like it", I just have to do what I deem the "average Joe level" of work.

I have some weird subconscious idea that "normal people" aren't as crazy, therefore as passionate in hobbies as I am. Like, they're not gonna exert much effort if it's not their job. And by "normal people" I mean "people I don't know". Average Joes.

Obviously I don't think it's true. It's just one of those things my brain tells me that I only realize is false when I actually think about it.

The idea to use this falsehood came from me being completely clueless as to how good I'm expected to be at stuff. I care what people think about my final product, but I try too hard, which often ends in projects crumbling.

Despite the fact that people always tell me I have high standards for myself, they can never explain how high is high exactly and how low is normal.

That's why I decided one day, "Hey! I underestimate 'normal' people. Why not use 'normal' as my reference?" That way I have some vague, subjective measure of the bare minimum that's expected of me.

Unfortunately I can't say if this has worked yet, because I haven't tried it enough times.

Hopefully the "two posts per month" plan will let me put more energy into each post, especially since I'll stop wasting energy on filler.

I will post the more interesting articles from the December lineup, though I'll have to adapt them to be less December-y.

Two of them involve some amount of American food culture, and one of them is about an obscure Italian food product that might help defeat the Mob.

Your brain is already tingling with anticipation, right?

THE CHALLENGE

Now for the challenge, as promised by the title.

I want to research one post... without using the Internet.

Gasp! Whoa! Holy cow! And other related interjections!

Yes. I know what I just said about going easy on myself, but I want to research a post- just one- without the aid of the Internet.

Here are some rules to clarify:

1. By "the Internet" I mean the wider Internet. Library catalogs use the Internet for functionality, but that use case won't count (though I'd still like to see how long I can go without it).

2. I can still use phone or radio technology, if applicable. Though I can't see myself stumbling upon cooking advice on shortwave radio or whatever, I can still call someone if I need to. And I'll have to use a phone book to look up a number, obviously.

3. Even if what I need is in "a" physical library somewhere, I want to restrict myself to what I can find locally. Although I could use social media to contact local sources, it would count as a cheat. Instead, I'll take the time to mail, call or meet them in person.

5. There is no deadline, so I can work on this for as long as I need to. Research takes long enough with the Internet, so a time limit would be unreasonable. That said, I would like to finish by the end of the year.

So, why? Absolutely why would I do this to myself?

For a tangle of personal reasons starting possibly at birth, I'm not in college yet. Nor do I have a job or a driver's license. Don't worry, I'm working on it.

I'm bored. Since I have to wait for independence, I don't have anything worthwhile to do. That's part of why this blog exists.

I don't like being lazy- not since I was fourteen, maybe. I can't just pass my time with video games and do chores every now and then when my mom tells me to. At least, I don't want to. I need something real. I need to experience real life. Otherwise I'd be miserable.

I like a challenge. I like doing things for real. I like the idea that I could be a valuable asset to someone if I know "lost" or obscure skills. I just plain like the appeal of going analog.

A related challenge I'm taking up this year is to read a hundred books, which should be easy because of the peppering of Little Free Libraries in my area, among other sources.

And no, I'm not calling either of these my New Year's Resolutions, because that never freaking works. They are goals that I wish to achieve by December 31st of this year, not "New Year's" anything.

CONCLUSION

From now on I'll be more open to you guys. Maybe this type of post doesn't "get clicks", but what matters is that I'm finally being honest. Not that I've been dishonest, just that I've pretended to be COMPLETELY OKAY while leaving gaping holes in my schedule. I just thought I owed everyone an explanation.

And you know what? I'd like to do this type of post every month now. Maybe at the first or last of every month, as a recap to the behind-the-scenes goings-on at Rebel Palate HQ.

I'd like to start making YouTube videos of posts, too. I think that will give me more exposure to people who don't like to read. Or maybe can't.

Also, when I start that "analog research project", I'd like to write a post for each step in the process. It'll be hard, which is the point, but I'm sure it'll be fun.

Today's recommended song is Dewey Decibel by Joe McDermott of Team Fat. It's the music that plays in the library in Pajama Sam 3. I wish this is what played whenever I got put on hold.

Stay sexy!